princess di, we killed her; el nino, we made it

things i learned at christmas dinner with family (?):

• all about children in trunks who were dead for a month! lovely dinner table conversation.
• my grandma would rather look at a mirror than at anything else
• my sister is a budding catholic (??)
• the wawa at the shore, the convenience store of my childhood, has officially closed.
• my mom and my grandma in conversation are strikingly similar to myself and my mother in conversation; though my mom likes to profess how different she is from her, this makes me frightened for my future.
• i cooked, but was credited about–none of the time. ghostchef?
• when bringing your laptop to the table, approximately no one wants to see a fifteen minute video of “amazing car skillz in hyundais” over dessert
• when in doubt, get dunkin donuts coffee
• “diet soda makes you fat” “no it doesn’t–” “yes, i heard it on NPR”
• how to insert a suppository. for the fiftieth time.
• everyone else knows their way around this whole state, it seems, but you don’t because you went to an out of state school. who does that?
• “i saw ‘milk’” “OH, that is about a guy whose name was MILK.” “yup.” “and he was GAY” “yup.”
• it’s actually christmas eve

could i buy you a dress, or somethin’

reasons why the holiday season is so great:

• music is always cheery/moving (see “Believe”)
• twinkling lights everywhere that reflect off the snow
• snow everywhere crunching beneath your boots and washing the floor when you come home (bonus)
• getting gifts for people; knowing what they got you because you had to tell them
• people donate more to charities
• everybody seems to be in love all the time
• no worries
• jews get angrier because hanukkah feels obligatory to recognize
• that smell that comes off the tree and watching your mom vaccuum the needles up every five minutes
• latkes, latkes, latkes and applesauce
• lying in bed under mountains of blankets, the light from your neighbors’ decorations coming in the window fooling you into thinking it’s daytime
• bare feet hitting the cold floor every morning. time for hot chocolate.
• seeing other people’s breaths and wondering if they’re smoking or if it’s just really cold
• cheer, etc
• yellow snow
• dreidels, dreidels, oy vey!
• reading by the light of the christmas tree
• old ornaments you made in kindergarten that your mom keeps. “i luv yu so mutch”
• +$500 on the electric bill
• that smell that comes from people burning wood in fireplaces
• lying in the snow, everything is silent
• delicious food
• sort of delicious leftovers

reasons why the holiday season is not so great:

• it ends. then what?